Archive for October, 2006

Gay Animals

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Oslo gay animal show draws crowds.

Our Philippine correspondent comments:

A Lutheran priest said he hoped the organizers would ‘burn in hell,’ and a Pentecostal priest lashed out at the exhibition saying taxpayers’ money used for it would have been better spent helping the animals correct ‘their perversions and deviances.

Some profound theological, ethical and legal issues raised here. Do gay animals sin? And don’t they have the same legal rights as consenting human adults? Should gay swans and flamingoes (to name two examples) be allowed to marry?

Eagerly await your opinion.

Updates when we’ve visited the show and seen for ourselves.

Baby David Lands in New York

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Baby David

Madonna and David arriving in New York (Splash News)

The red string around Baby David’s wrist is some sort of Kabbalah thing.

The Prada Argument

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Many years ago I was fresh out of school and at my wits’ end trying to choose among prospective employers. I’d narrowed the list down to two: The Establishment, a mighty behemoth that attracted all of my school’s top graduates, a place of sharp minds and killer hours whose training was (and remains) legendary; and The Developers, a young vibrant place with room for growth, an active battle plan to pursue that growth, and space for me to grow as well. Wise Old Auntie, who worked at The Establishment, framed the choice in terms I could understand:

“Let’s say you’re buying a purse and have two remaining options that you like equally well: Kate Spade and Prada. The Kate Spade purse is wonderful. It’s got a great design, is excellent value for money, is good quality, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

“But it’s not Prada.

“And you can afford Prada.”

Needless to say, that clinched it for me: I chose Prada. (more…)

Why We Love Brangelina

Monday, October 30th, 2006

The word, not the entity.

We love how Angelina’s name is full and complete; Brad gets two measly letters. (Don’t nitpick. The a is all hers.) Br, just half his name, just half his identity. Even Bennifer got better treatment, as did TomKat.

Bcause let’s face it, Brad: It really is all about Angelina. We didn’t hate you in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but Angie had us completely mesmerized — we couldn’t decide if we wanted to be her or do her. We liked you well enough in Thelma and Louise and A River Runs Through It, but you haven’t really done anything worthwhile since Fight Club. Not even seeing your butt could make us forgive you for Troy.

Brangelina is all Angie. Her passions, her powers, her kids. We don’t blame you, Brad, but Br of Brangelina might just as well be Brian, or Brandon, or Bruce. So go to it, Brad baby, you old sperm donor you, but just remember: We demand that all future spawn resemble Angie. We wouldn’t love Shiloh Nouvel half as much if she had your lips.

Adopt Us, Too

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

Dear Madonna,

We just heard that you spent a fortune on winter clothes for your new acquisition.

Needless to say, we’re dying of jealousy. We too have skin color different from yours; were born in a faraway country no-one has heard of; and have exotic eye shape and hair texture.

Most importantly, we know all the words to at least seven of your songs, and in these troubled times we offer you a snippet to sing to Baby David’s Malawi dad:

Papa don’t preach
I’m in trouble deep
Papa don’t preach

I’ve been losing sleep
But I’ve made up my mind, I’m keeping my baby
Oooh I’m gonna keep my baby, yeah.

So please please please adopt us, too. For this week only, we offer ourselves at the bargain price of only $1 Million each. Since we’re bigger than Baby David and can double as au pairs, we’re worth every penny, we promise.

Love,

Us

P.S. Why the girl clothes? Do you want him to hate you?

Shiloh Nouvel Retrospective

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

Dear Shiloh,

No, we didn’t forget that you turned five months old yesterday; we were just stunned by the new baby news. It’s certainly been an eventful journey, and you’ve come a long way, baby. Here’s a short list of your major accomplishments:

Still a fetus, and already saving the world.

A star is born, and offered Namibian citizenship.

And, look, you made Jen cry!

First condescending comments from evil crazy man.

First photos, first scandal (and how it affected The Nouvelist), first fashion trend.

First triumph over the Forces of Darkness.

First playdate.

First wax figure.

Happy five months, and we love you very very much! Can’t wait to hear about your first word, first steps, first therapist.
Love,
Us

Brangelina Are Set To Adopt Again

Friday, October 27th, 2006

Angelina set to adopt another baby

Angelina Jolie is adopting an Indian baby to add to her growing international brood, according to US reports.

Sources say the big-hearted actress and partner Brad Pitt have already applied to adopt a tot from an Indian orphanage. An insider said: “They hope to be able to bring the child home by Christmas.

The Nouvelist to Monster K and Maia Yusi: See? We’re going to have material to last a lifetime!

Baby David’s Biological Dad Changes Tune

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Ay, Dios mio!

The father now shifts the blame from Madonna and the media to the “so-called human rights groups” trying to protect his son (but not really). He says he is now spending more time talking to reporters than tending to his crops.

The human rights groups says they are trying to make sure that Baby David gets inheritance, and is amply protected psychologically in case of a Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce.

Father Still Worried About Madonna Adoption

Baby David’s Interim Mother Speaks

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

david-ritchie-06-2006-10-25.jpg

Madonna has to thank the power of Oprah. She scored a lot of PR points today. We now believe she did the right thing, although her team could have taken some extra measures to protect the identity of Baby David’s family since at it is apparent, the people of Malawi are going crazy with the attention a star of Madonna’s caliber can bring. If you think about it — according to what we have read in the press — what exactly is the motivation of Baby David’s biological father now? To get Baby David back — in the light of the fact that he had already left him in an orphanage since he was two weeks old one year ago? Or to reword the adoption papers to say that his baby is actually on loan until he is a certain age? Who puts up a child on loan and still claim parent’s rights? Doesn’t make sense.

So Baby David, here’s to a great life in London. As we can see with these pictures, your new family loves you.

david-ritchie-03-2006-10-25.jpg

david-ritchie-05-2006-10-25.jpg

More screencaps after the jump!

(more…)

One More Reason to Learn Norwegian

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

The Husband’s a celebrity!