Archive for the 'Madonna' Category

At Least It’s Not Scientology

Saturday, April 21st, 2007

Madonna continues plans for world domination.

(Oh, and in case you were wondering: Yes, I DO read the Daily Mail on a regular basis.)

I’d Like a Quiet Yellow One Next

Friday, January 12th, 2007

“I lost the receipt for this baby, but I was wondering if I could still return it.”

Madonna says David is a champion tantrum-thrower.

Uninspired Post (But Cute Outfit)

Monday, January 8th, 2007

Angelina Jolie praises Madonna Adoption.

Angelina Jolie Talks About Madonna's Adoption

Meanwhile, Brad claims more babies are on the way.

Meanwhile, today I wore:

  • Hair ironed, right parted, low pony until I deliberately walked in the rain and got my hair frizzy
  • South Sea pearl earrings
  • On lips: L’Oreal Sweet Nude
  • Red, green, brown plaid ruffled tuxedo shirt from Zara
  • Gray angora blend v-neck sweater from Zara
  • Black belt with silver buckle
  • Charcoal Editor Express pants
  • Black Via Spiga slingback loafer pumps
  • Outerwear: Black Ellen Tracy coat, grey knit cap from Ralph Lauren, grey plaid scarf, black suede zip-up boots

She’s Number One!

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007

Baby David’s father says: I Don’t Have Madonna’s Number

David's Father: I Don't Have Madonna's Number

“”I don’t have her phone and mailing addresses. All I want is to find out how my son is but I don’t know how I can do it,” David’s daddy says.

Come on, David’s Daddy. If you really want to find out how your son is doing, just read the papers like everybody else.

Britney Faces Child Custody Fight

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Just when you thought they couldn’t get any trashier, Brit and K-Fed are now fighting over their kids.

In addition to custody, K-Fed wants spousal support.

Words fail us. Once again, though, we blame Madonna.

Stage kiss

Madonna Ruins Another Kid’s Life

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

While we were busy working, Angie changed her mind about adopting an Indian baby.

Shucks. We were hoping for a complete multicolored set. On the plus side, there’s now hope for some little brown Filipino.

Baby David Lands in New York

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Baby David

Madonna and David arriving in New York (Splash News)

The red string around Baby David’s wrist is some sort of Kabbalah thing.

Adopt Us, Too

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

Dear Madonna,

We just heard that you spent a fortune on winter clothes for your new acquisition.

Needless to say, we’re dying of jealousy. We too have skin color different from yours; were born in a faraway country no-one has heard of; and have exotic eye shape and hair texture.

Most importantly, we know all the words to at least seven of your songs, and in these troubled times we offer you a snippet to sing to Baby David’s Malawi dad:

Papa don’t preach
I’m in trouble deep
Papa don’t preach

I’ve been losing sleep
But I’ve made up my mind, I’m keeping my baby
Oooh I’m gonna keep my baby, yeah.

So please please please adopt us, too. For this week only, we offer ourselves at the bargain price of only $1 Million each. Since we’re bigger than Baby David and can double as au pairs, we’re worth every penny, we promise.

Love,

Us

P.S. Why the girl clothes? Do you want him to hate you?

Baby David’s Biological Dad Changes Tune

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Ay, Dios mio!

The father now shifts the blame from Madonna and the media to the “so-called human rights groups” trying to protect his son (but not really). He says he is now spending more time talking to reporters than tending to his crops.

The human rights groups says they are trying to make sure that Baby David gets inheritance, and is amply protected psychologically in case of a Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce.

Father Still Worried About Madonna Adoption

Baby David’s Interim Mother Speaks

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

david-ritchie-06-2006-10-25.jpg

Madonna has to thank the power of Oprah. She scored a lot of PR points today. We now believe she did the right thing, although her team could have taken some extra measures to protect the identity of Baby David’s family since at it is apparent, the people of Malawi are going crazy with the attention a star of Madonna’s caliber can bring. If you think about it — according to what we have read in the press — what exactly is the motivation of Baby David’s biological father now? To get Baby David back — in the light of the fact that he had already left him in an orphanage since he was two weeks old one year ago? Or to reword the adoption papers to say that his baby is actually on loan until he is a certain age? Who puts up a child on loan and still claim parent’s rights? Doesn’t make sense.

So Baby David, here’s to a great life in London. As we can see with these pictures, your new family loves you.

david-ritchie-03-2006-10-25.jpg

david-ritchie-05-2006-10-25.jpg

More screencaps after the jump!

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