Archive for the 'MoJo' Category

The Writing on the Wall

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

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CNY 2009

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

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Fragues

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

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Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

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Packing Sheet

Monday, May 5th, 2008

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Cross-Dressing Monster

Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

Spotted strolling down Drammensveien:¬† a cross-dressing Monster, wearing a distinctly masculine shirt.¬† Apparently the lawyer, 32, has taken to donning her husband’s clothing in lieu of more traditionally feminine apparel.

Although¬†Monster’s representatives claim that these fashion choices are dictated by an inability to squeeze into her pre-pregnancy wardrobe, evidence suggests that cross-dressing is more than merely a passing fancy for the future¬†mother.¬†¬†Eyewitnesses swear that¬†Monster has been¬†wearing men’s clothing¬†for more than three decades. ¬† She used to sleep¬†wearing t-shirts belonging to her father, says a source who knew the Monster in early childhood.¬† Ducky, too, was a victim of Monster’s odd predilection for male attire.¬† In her grunge college days, Monster used to steal her brother’s¬†jeans (black and chocolate brown Levi’s 501s)¬†and dress shirts, accessorize them with unwashed hair and hole-y boots, and wear them to school.

Troglodyte is thus merely the latest victim in the cycle of male victims of the transvestite thief.¬† To all men in¬†Monster’s vicinity:¬† make sure to keep your shirts on.¬†

Monster Becomes Sciontologist

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Monster has joined the Church of Sciontology, says a source close to the non-celebrity. 

What began as a mild interest in her future spawn’s progress has turned into full-blown idolatry, with Monster spotted shopping for all of the cult’s paraphernalia, including¬†thousand-dollar baby carriages, designer diaper bags and semi-useless onesies with ultra-cutesy sayings.¬†

Sciontology is an ancient religion, the central tennet of¬†which is the worship of one’s descendants.¬† In the Western world, the teachings of Mother Hubbard factor heavily in this church’s ceremonies.

According to the source, Monster is actively pushing for her¬†husband’s similar conversion.¬† Trog, for his part, seems¬†readily inclined to believe, and was recently spotted comparison shopping for disposable diapers, a full six months before anyone is likely to need them.

Trog Requests Press to Stand Behind Him

Friday, August 17th, 2007

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Oslo, Norway. Trog is unhappy with his portrayal in today’s center-spread write-ups in the financial papers, says a source close to the Bean planter.

“He definitely thinks that the press is showing him in a bad light by deliberately using unflattering photographs,” the source reported. “They’re taking him from his worst angle. Trog would prefer it if all photographs were taken from behind, to show off his best feature.”

In an exclusive Shiloh Nouvela interview, Monster concurred.

“The view of Trog’s behind is absolutely breathtaking,” the lawyer claimed. “Broad shoulders, willowy limbs — all the physical gifts that rely on winning the genetic lottery — these are all meaningless. If you have to work at it, like Trog does, it’s much more sublime.”

“Trog’s butt is definitely a thing of beauty, and more photographs should capture that.”

When pushed for comment, Trog turned his back and walked away. “Get thee behind me,” he said.

Monster a Has-Bean

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

The latest buzz: Monster’s nothing but a has-Bean. At least that was the word around the Sofa this evening, where Trog — looking a trifle peaky — sat nursing a drink.

“She used to be a wanna-Bean,” Trog said of his wife of fifteen months. “That’s all changed in the past few months. Now that it’s Bean there, she’s done that. She’s nothing but a has-Bean.”

Reached for comment, a Monster rep defended her client. “To Bean or not to Bean is not the question. It’s Bean forever! If Trog doesn’t watch out, he’ll never be a mother f*cker.”

Burning Question

Monday, August 6th, 2007

For a long time post-grad school, I was a self-styled NINJA (No Income, No Job Asian).

Then I got married and became part of an OINK (One Income, No Kids).

Found a job, and we became DINKs.

Now here’s the burning question:

What do we call ourselves once the Bean is born?

Current frontrunner:  Double Income, Lone Dependent Offspring.

Suggestions welcome.