Shiloh Nouvela

Tom kills Oprah!

Wedding a ‘Scientology stunt’

THE fairytale Italian wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has been branded a stunt after the pair admitted they got hitched days before the celebrity bash.

Your parents disgust us Suri. We’ve been used!

Dear Suri,

Congratulations on your legitimation! Please tell your “mommy” about this article.

Luvlots.

Us

Bonus: Connor and Isabella Kidman Cruise

TomKat and Suri Cruise on display in Rome.

For Mrs. Cruise, Perhaps a Cat (NYTimes)

… the bridegroom might hear the Scientology minister proffer this advice, part of what the church refers to as the traditional ceremony: ‚ÄúNow, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them.‚Äù

And Ms. Holmes could be told: “Hear well, sweet Katie, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.”

Nouvelist ponders: Poor Suri. She will be brainwashed (when she is able) that aliens are coming to get her. Poor, poor Suri. Meanwhile, our Shiloh will be brainwashed that she was born to save the world. Yay!

Dear Suri,

Apparently mommy and daddy were too busy meditating and stuff to do all the paperwork for the big wedding.

Don’t worry, my precious; we’re sure it’ll all be fine. Your “daddy’s” rich, and your “ma” is good looking. And keep in mind that any defects in the wedding will make it that much easier to annul in a couple of years.

Love,

Us

P.S. The castle looks real purty. You can wear this (look, it’s on sale!) and be pretty in pink!

Cruise and Holmes Set Wedding Date in Italy (ABC News)

A year and a half after Cruise proposed to Holmes at Paris’ Eiffel Tower, they informed friends and family on Oct. 20 that the wedding would take place on the weekend of Nov. 18 in Italy.

Guests were instructed to be available from Nov. 16 to 19 for wedding events.

Suri Cruise Halloween Dressup

Poor Suri. Why does Tom have to be such a nutcase? What about the children!

Dear Suri,

Congratulations on turning six months old! You’re now grown up enough to eat real food, be potty trained, and maybe even get arrested. When you decide to start seeking attention from strangers, holler in this direction. We’ll come running with big, non-scary smiles.

Love,
Us